Don’t Even Reply

Move over TFLNJ and FML, and make room for DNER

Original ad: 

I am looking for help moving on June 23rd into my new apartment. We will need to load everything from my old apartment into a truck, and then drive to my new place and unload it. I have a lot of furniture that is very heavy, as well as a big screen tv that is bulky. We will need to lift a lot of this stuff down three flights of stairs since it won’t fit in my elevator. I will pay $25/hr.

From Mike Anderson to *********@**********.org

Good afternoon!

I saw your ad asking for help moving your furniture into your new apartment. I was wondering if you would be interested in hiring my son. I need him to have a job like this so he can feel better about himself. He has been paralyzed from the neck down for five years now. I always encourage him to do normal things like mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc. so he can still feel important even though he does not have the use of his arms or legs. This job would be a huge boost in his self-esteem and with a little help I am sure he can do it. Please consider him!

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me
Mike,

I’m sorry, but I don’t think this job would be appropriate for your son. A lot of the stuff I need to move is very large and heavy. He sounds like a good kid, but I don’t think he would be able to do this. Thanks for the offer, though.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

I think you are underestimating my son. He can do anything he puts his mind to. I told him I got him a job and he was so excited. Do I really have to go and tell him that the guy changed his mind because he hates handicapped people?

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

Oh man…

I don’t hate handicapped people. I really just don’t see how your son can help, no offense. How can he move anything with his arms and legs? You said he mows the lawn and takes out the trash, how is that even possible?

I apologize, but next time you shouldn’t tell your son you got him a job before making sure it is ok with the employer.

Jerry

From Mike Anderson to ************@hotmail.com
Jerry,

Don’t tell me how to raise my son. You don’t see me telling you how to move your furniture, do you? You never even met my son, and already you are telling me what he can and can’t do. He does a great job mowing the lawn. We tied the lawn mower to the back of his wheelchair and he drags it around. You’d be surprised how much torque that wheelchair has. It makes him feel normal again. 

I don’t have the heart to tell him that he won’t be doing this job, so would you be able to come over here and tell him yourself that you hate him and will not hire him? It is the least you could do.

Mike

From ***********@hotmail.com to Me

You’ve got to be kidding me. This conversation is over.

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About Nicolas Heller

The disco ball in my mouth insinuates I'm ballin'
This entry was posted in Comedy and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Don’t Even Reply

  1. Gaia says:

    IS THIS FOR REAL?!!!

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